she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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