i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize