Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
