I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
