Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
