He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
