I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
