glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
