so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
