Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
