dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
