Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
