My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
