May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
