She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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