I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
