just tell him i said nine months
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize