Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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