My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
