it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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