She is in my trunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
