i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
