They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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