Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
