my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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