Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
