I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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