I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
