Kiss
Puke
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
