Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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