that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
