there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
