I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
