i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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