At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize