Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
