im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're making bets on your personal life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
