i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Naked. naked and bneed help.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
