I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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