Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
