i love accidental penises.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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