His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
