What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
