What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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