I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
