It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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