textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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