so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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