i don't like sucking hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
