he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
