We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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