I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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