No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize