It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
