I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
