New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
