Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
