if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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