My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
