how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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