We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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