she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
