ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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