How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
