The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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