Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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