it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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