She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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