Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
