And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
