i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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