theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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