and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize