New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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