I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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