I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
