You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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