Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
