and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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