I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
