puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
