i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize