My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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