I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
