..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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