Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
