You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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