I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
