Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize