This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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