I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
