I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
