I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize