whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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