Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize