sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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