Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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