I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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