If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
