I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
