i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize