When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
