i think i have two assholes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
